Hour and a half lunch!!!

Woopie. What do I have to talk about? Let me tell you ................................................................................ NOTHING!!!! Isn't that terrific? I thought it was. I am just bored, and really friggin tired. I wish I could take a nap, and get up, and go, but that is an impossibility for me. Once I'm down, I'm useless. I think I need to go to the store before I go back, and get something that will give me energy. Yes, yes I think I will. Jeesum Crow!! I am beat the eff up!! I haven't been drinking for the past couple nights. I wonder if that has something to do with it. I usually have at least a couple every night, but I've decided I will try not to drink during the week. I am hoping it will result in a small weight loss, too. I like to call myself "Lard-ass." It makes me feel good; good and fat. Not phat, FAT. There's a song I like to sing to myself, too. It goes: 'fatty, fatty, two by four... can't get through the bathroom door!!!' I am becoming delerious. I have a mandatory employee meeting at the place I am employed at. It will be employee-rific!! They better serve booze. Cause if they don't.... Oh, wait, I am not drinking all week. I forgot. Okay, unless they have booze at this meeting. In that case, I will get slaughtered! Woohoo!!!! Maybe they'll have tea and crumpets. And we'll play cricket. And we'll watch the British Broadcasting Company. I'm getting excited already, can you tell?

What a strange post. If you are bothered by this piece, please write an e-mail to somebody who gives a shit. Or just suck it up, cause I'm having a good time, damn it!!! You wouldn't believe how easily amused I am. With myself, at least. I'd have to agree, that I am the coolest, and most hilarious person on the face of the earth. Trey Parker would be lucky to have such a wife. That son of a bitch!!! Why hasn't he written me? Why hasn't he even tried to make contact? I am starting to worry that this marriage is going to be postponed. NO!!!! IT CAN"T BE!!!! What ever will I do?!?!?!? I think I'm going to buy some diet pills with my next paycheck. There is a solution to the energy problem, and the fat (not phat) problem. Man, I'm smart. Is there any way to drink that won't cause you to gain (or hold) weight? Or is alcohol in general a bad thing for a hopeful weight loss participant? I need a fucking drink already, and I'm not even off work!! Mother effing christ!!!! I'll leave you be, now. Hope you had fun with the inards of my tired brain. Have a splendid __________. (fill in the blank.) ---(i mean, the line with blank space on top of it.)

Overload!!! Overload!!!

Good (no particular time of day...) everyone!!! How have we all been? Splendid, I hope.

Okay, enough of the silly crap. I don't know why I even started to write. My brain is so cluster-fucked! Way too many things are going on in there. I wish I had a little drain-plug, like a cooler does... That way, if too much crap is floating around, I can just pull the plug, and let some unimportant stuff out. I'm not even sure if there is any unimportant stuff in there. Holy, man alive, I'm tellin you. I can't even decifer what is priority, and what is trash. I can't even think straight, look at me; I'm babbling like a --- I don't know what?... Somebody help me, please!!!

I've been working a huge butt-load. 9 to 10 1/2 hour days. I only take a half hour lunch, lately, because they need the help so bad, and I'd rather prove myself a hard, and dedicated worker from the get-go. I think I'm doing a pretty good job. Ouch, my back. Last Wednesday, I started at 7:30, worked until 6:40, then we had CPR and first aid training at the center, from 6:30-9:30. (they waited for me cause a mommy showed up ten minutes late.) Can we say, "Too much time spent in one place?!?!?" Those sons of bitches... I had (only) 6 1/2 hours over time for next paycheck. The first week, I didn't work any overtime. It was all from last week. babble,babble,babble...

I'm going crazy with all of my personal life happenings, too. Boys are scary, and confusing, and fuck them, really. A good amount of my friends are being morons, and I'm sick of it. I really only hang out with one person, lately. I really like my Kelli Lake. She's a good girl. My favorite person in the whole world as of now.I'm perfectly fine with hanging out with only her. She keeps me sane. There's no pressure, or discomfort, no expectation, she is a real, good friend. I'm glad to have her. I need to learn to keep my money in my wallet. I got a pay check last Tuesday. For six days, and 49 hours, I earned $319.63. Nice. At that rate... with two full weeks on there, I should have a driver's license in no time!!! (That is--If I CAN learn to keep the $ in the wallet...) Wish me luck. I am just really at a very confusing point in my life. I'm living with my folks. It really is eating away at me. I'm almost twenty four years old!! What the fuck!? I need to get things figured out, and quick!! Or I just might do something drastic. I have been on my own since I was sixteen years old. It's not a nightmare living here, but I just NEED my own place, my own being. I need that sense of- 'this is mine-- this is me'... This is not something I feel here. Whatever... Working for a living sucks ass.

I've talked to Eric (NY boy) a couple times in the last week. He called, and was being really cool. I guess he is working at this train station close to where our apt. was. Some toy store owner is having them turn it into a house for him. How fucking cool! He said he would take a few pictures for me. I LOVE TRAINS!!! I called him on my lunch break on Friday. Just to see what was up... how he was doing. I told him I would call him the day after I talked to him before... I forgot to. He said he misses me. I miss him, too. He was a good dude. We always had fun. We were on the same page for the most part. But what the future holds for us, if anything, I don't know.

Okay, I'm getting out of here. I'm wasting time. Mine, yours, and my impatient little sisters'. If you have the number for Doctor Kavorkian... Please leave a comment. If you're going to leave a comment to correct the spelling of his name... Fuck off, and don't.

I am planning a mass murder... pass it on.

I am pissed. I am fucking irritated. I already started writing this shit a minute ago, but i fucked it up, and now i have to start all fucking over again. Why am I so fucking pissed, you ask? Maybe you didn't.... here, go ahead... ask... Okay, now i don't really feel like telling you. I fucking hate everybody. I am so sick of it all. I am so sick of drama queen, spoiled-ass fucking bitches. I am sick of listening to even a mere breath escaping from their mouths. I am sick of sitting back, and being forced to listen to these little fat-faced bitches demean me, and not being told to shut the fuck up, and have some fucking respect. I am sick of people who can't just fucking grow the fuck up, and get over shit. If someone is bothering you, fucking ignore them. Iam sick of people who play favorites, and even worse, least favorites. I am sick of a lot of fucking things. Shall I go on? Keep your opinion to yourself, i don't want it. I am sick of people who do ignorant, and careless things, in hopes that it will be taken as funny. I especially am sick of getting hit in the fucking face with shit. I will not accept any more fucking apologies, because an apology entails working to not do that same sort of thing, yes? An apology every other day is bullshit. I am sick of fucking hearing the name Matt Parks. I am sick of being in debt. My being in debt makes for a shitty time for me. I am sick of hearing about it. I am sick to my stomach. I am poor, and have to smoke these sick "Merit" cigarettes. They were given to me by a real, and loving person. Not someone close to me, but someone close to someone i am becoming very close to. Do you care? NO? that makes me sick. These smokes are sick, guys. SICK. I am sick of not having my own place. I am sick of cheer. I am sick of waiting until September 8th for football season to start. I am sick of not seeing the Detroit Lions win the super bowl. Is that so fucking hard? It's sickening. I am sick of people telling me to tell them when I'm done with the computer. I am sick of the buzz of the television, and of the sight of mindless retards in a daze at the disney channel. I am sick of non-educational programming. I am sick of smut. I am so hungry that I am becoming sick. I am sick. I am beginning to think that i am sick in the head. The new Mustang GT's are sick.

I am a mindless retard. I am doing no good. I am sick of hearing. Being deaf would be sick. I wish I had some useful information to pass on. Because when I said "mass murder"-- I meant mass suicide. It's gonna be tomorrow. It's gonna be sick.

fOR THOSE OF US WHO CAN'T SEEM TO GET THE OLD ONE.... (jesus christ...)

Crazy house, Crazy house, Crazy house!!!!

Unruley children, disrespectful as well. Not only to my parents, but to me, too. (okay, only one is disrespectful to me.) It seems as though I will have my own room tomorrow... which is nice. I need it. I hope that my pappy will feel comfortable enough to be able to share it with me.(as a place of escape.) I think he doesn't want to invade my space. Little does he know, he is the only one I would prefer come into a room that is "mine." It was his in the first place. That is not my only reasoning... I enjoy his company more than I think he realizes. I do not know what the eff is going on here; it really is a mad house. More drama than living with Shayla, the only difference is that the drama is not all directed toward ME. I am just expected to play "peace-keeper." I am not bothered by this, I just think that I am causing more aggravation than is wanted. My advice is not taken, I think it is more looked at as criticism. I have no room to criticize anyone. I have made many a mistake in my day.

Blah, blah, blah... I'm done talking. Hey, check this out... Anthony, my good friend in Iraq, took this picture. He did this in some cement that they had to replace because they keep getting bombed in this particular area. He said he did it for good luck. I love this guy!!!

Those are my initials, and the pic is directly above... I'm sure you smart people have already figured this out. Isn't that so cool, though??!! He's a cool dude. He's been a close family friend for as long as i can remember. Have a good whatever... Love you guys!

Saturday equals Bavarian Berry!!!

Ever had one? It's a delicious blend of blueberry ale and hefeweisen. Why does that look like it's spelled wrong? Available at our local "Streets of New York." They have a whole brewery there. My Daddy goes up there once a week. They love him there. The brew-master is even pretty good acquaintances with pops. He was a big influence on my Dad to start brewing his own beer at home! Which is pretty damn sweet, if you ask me! I'm gonna go up with my Dad today, and see what might be troubling him. He seems a little stressed today. Poor guy lives with-- well, you know. Can we say, "shoot me?"

Let's see.... They hired a teacher for the two's room. Did I mention I wanted that FUCKING ROOM???!!! Whoa... is that the way a day care attendant should be talking? Let's use our inside voices, and appropraite words, please. Thanks, bitch. ----oof.---- How gay is that?! (no offense, you homos out there.) Sometimes I wonder if my sarcasm, and foul sense of humor will get me into trouble one day. Then I remember I don't give a shit. I'm kind of a scatter brain today. Got pretty loaded last night. Jason's old best friend from California drove out . He and Matt Parks came and got me, because I love Corey! And his woman. I haven't seen them in, like, a year! And when I did see, Corey, at least, I was on drugs. Had been for a good while. I was lost. And a mess. I was a lost mess. Yeah, so that was fun. Drunk-off-his-ass Matt met my parents. Boy, was he loaded! Holy! It was almost ugly. But my parents are cool, and they took drunk-Matt pretty well. He WAS DRUNK. I just can't stress that enough. When Jason and I dropped him off at his mom's house, for some strange reason he wanted us to stay there. I had to go pee, so I went in and used the bathroom, and when I came out, Matt was laying Jason down in his sister's old room. Then he motioned me to come into his room. So I ran in, when Matty wasn't looking, and jumped on the bed J was on, and pretended I was asleep. We were just gonna wait til he went to bed, then we were gonna sneak out the door, but he was stumbling all over the house for a while. We couldn't stop laughing. I was fucking cracking up! We couldn't tell where he was in the house, and it had been a few minutes, so i said, " What the FUCK are we doing?-- it's not like he's four!!!-- let's just fucking go!!" So we jumped up, still cracking up, and beelined it to the door. Still no sign of Matt. We got outside, and I yelled RUN! --and continued running til I got to the truck. As soon as J got in, we sped off. Then Jason asked if I had seen Matt. He was laughing. Apparently Matt was standing right outside the front door. Hahaha ha ha ha ha? Funny huh? Maybe you had to be there.

Okay, what else? ummmmmmmmmm........ I think I'm starting to get sick from all the kids... oh, wait, did I already say that? I think I might go out with Captain Underpants, etc. to get some 25 cent bottles at some lame bar tonight. Yippee. Then I think the Capn' is having a party at his house. Captain Underpants is Jason... by the way. Okay, I'm tired, and I don't think I have anything important to say, again!! Son of a....... have a great whatever time of day it is wherever you are!

So, how's work going, Dawn?

Funny you ask. At first it was kind of terrible. The lady I work with is a friggin loon, who has no idea what the fuck she's doing. She gives me instructions on exactly what to do, and exactly how to do it, as if I have no clue how to care for children, what they need, or what they want. Her mouth is moving non-stop. I could go on about the passionate hate I have for this woman as a co-worker for days. I won't. As a person, I don't hate her, she's alright... I guess. (besides being a complete LOON.) It took me a while to get fully into the swing of things, which was totally expected, no biggy. As the days go on, though, it's getting easier and easier. The lady I talked to at my first interview, that was really impressed with me, and loved me to death, came in this afternoon, and asked me how everything was going. I told her about how the loon talks to me like I've never even seen a child, but otherwise, it's alright. She went on about how she has been begging the director to let me take her two year old class, because her assistant is going back to school next week. It may be able to happen, the only thing holding me back is the fact that I don't have two years experience in an official day care...... I really think I do, though.... oh well. She kept saying that she is frustrated, because (she said) I am NOT assistant material, that I need to be in my own class, and the loon is best off with somebody who actually has no idea what they're doing, because she is a lazy drill sergeant. blah blah blah.

Let me give you a couple frustrating instances where I wanted to punch the loon in the face... First off, she "WILL NOT" hold these children, because they need to learn how to walk on there own, and independantly follow directions. Carrying them to the changing table, or outside, or whatever, is not "acceptable." Though, she has her favorites, that she holds occasionally, and really does things according to how she feels. This morning, a little girl who has only been there three days was crying hard, and long enough to end up vomiting. Because she wouldn't hold her for a minute, or comfort her. She also allows no "binkeys" (or as I call them, plugs) in the room, except for at nap time. This particular little girl has always had her plug, and was obviously in need of some comfort mechanism. Maybe that's not all that bad, but they're one.... they need complete compassion sometimes, not a hard-ass. Another occurance happened just yesterday; We took the kids outside. It was hot, and humid as hell. Half of the kids were screaming... one, because he's had double ear infections for a week, and has still been brought in every day... We had 12 kids, two are face down in the wood chips, bawling... til I stepped in... She kept going inside, running her stupid little loon-ball errands, leaving me with a playground full of very unhappy babies. Then when we directed them all inside, she washed all the faces and hands, but allowed no one any water. What the fuck??!! So today, after outside time, I took charge, washed faces and hands, and gave them each some water at the sink. All of these minor things she does, I will be correcting. These babies need to be CARED FOR. She also waits till everyone has waken up from nap, to change diapers. She demands that they all SIT DOWN, until she is done changing, which is impossible. The way she does things are just-- really, the hard way of doing things, and I am supposed to follow along with a obediant smile. UUMMMM, you're crazy. Don't get me wrong... the kids are well taken care of, she really does love kids, she just is clueless as to how to handle a group of them.

That last sentence was a little hypocritical, wasn't it? Whatever.... So the job is getting better as the days go by, but I gotta go.

Hey. Guess what? I am an employed patron.

I, again, don't have much of anything to say. Imagine that!! I just had mommy take a couple pictures of my wrist, so Rachael could see the monstrosity. I like it. It really does, look cooler in person... The artist; who's book I pulled the designs from, is a very dark, very talented man. If you'd like to look on his website, as I mentioned in one of my picture entries-- it is H.R. Giger.com. He is responsible for designing the alien in the Alien movies, as well as the predator in "Predator." Yeah, so .... if I hear one more time: "Dawn, when are you gonna be done with the computer?" OR "Dawn, you're taking too long." OR ANYTHING ELSE ALONG THOSE LINES......... I am going to shit myself with rage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I"m going to end this right the fuck now.


(I'm not really irritated..... I just really have to use the potty, and the comments are not helping.....)

Rachael, here's the masterpiece..... like, seventy shots of it....

It really looks a lot cooler in person. I swear...

This is me, as a baby... actually, no... go look on H.R. Giger.com.

For those of you who don't care... please look away...

I stole her hat!!!

SWEEEEET!!! I've loved this hat since I lived with her....

I had a great weekend!! No, seriously, it was the best weekend I've had in.... I don't know, that's not important.... So, Friday night, we went up to Chuy's, so Sandra, my littlest sister could win the karaoke contest. She kicked ass. Jason, and Kelli, and a couple other people came up there to sing, too. Even Sheila and Steve came up for the festivities!!! We all had a good time, I think. Then Jason, Kelli, Aaron, and I went to this house party that our buddy Shawn V. knew about. His buddy's band was playing. When the party was "broken up" (about thirty minutes after we got there) we were driving home --- i mean, we took a cab...... don't drink and drive, kids---- I realized we were right next to Shayla's house. (Shayla is my troubled friend of 16 years.) So, I decided that we should stop in and make sure she's not hittin the can, or whatever the fuck she does..... She wasn't there, but her sister was. Her sister just turned twenty one last week. And were we too high to call Dawn for "my" little sister's b-day??!! Apparently so...... We hung out for a little while, I expressed my concerns, she agreed. She wanted her mom to help her out with an intervention, but her mom is going on vacation to San Diego next week, and she doesn't want anything to ruin it for her. Her mom is a crazy bitch. Let's not get into that. Yeah, so I got the confirmation. Mom called the school district on Friday. Her supervisor is pretty close with her, she's worked there for years.... and was worried as well. I'm scared. I would not have been able to make that call. It was tearing me up even thinking about it. Anyway... While I was there, I saw the hat I always would wear when I lived there. I figured she made my heart hurt so bad that I should probably steal it.

Okay, so then... slept most of the day Saturday. Felt like shit. Got a call around 6:30 pm, we're leaving in an hour for Sommer's birthday party. We've been planning this for over a month. Sommer is Jason's sister. At first, I wasn't gonna go... I got DOWN night before. I had a little bit too much fun for me to be having as good a time again tonight. Then I was informed that a few of our other friends were going.
So I went. We stayed up drinking until the sun came up. Playing pool.... we were all laughing our asses off the whole time. We had so much fun. I'm rambling. We woke up again at around 1:00pm today, and started all over again. playing pool, drinkin, laughing, blaring super-awesome music, fuckin with each other, and the pizza delivery man. So I'm pretty worn out. I had a blast.

My first day at work was alright. For a little while there, I thought I was gonna walk out, or just not come back.... It got better, though. I'm seriously tired, though. I will make more sense tomorrow.... I'll re-read this, and magically turn it into english for you all to be able to understand it... Good night, everyone!!! Thank you for your support, and kind words. I had just the distraction for such a shitty... well.... latter part of the week... I had a great weekend. Did I already say that? dilerious. sleeping time. hydrate first... good night.

Gay, Gay, Great

Oh my fucking goodness. I am over my drug addiction, okay? I am so done trying to deal with people who are fucked up on drugs... I'm shaking. I am so pissed. I do not want to worry about the people I care about most being fucked up on shit that is not necessary. I wish I would've learned how fucked up all that shit is, without having to go through it myself. But like I've said before, I only learn by falling face first into a huge pile of elephant shit, to step around it next time. Why can't you (or I) just know that something is wrong, and something is harmful, and that this thing can RUIN YOUR LIFE. (and the lives of those who care about you.) Are we wondering what she's talking about yet?

My "best" friend, who I have known since I was eight, has been snorting oxycoten (sp?) for two years. Yeah, it sucks, and yeah, I wish there was something I could say that would make her stop. Now I know how everyone felt when I was fucked up on tweek. That's only the beginning of it, though. My good buddy just informed me that he saw one of her old, good friends, and she told him that she is doing that shit at her place of work, at a public school, where she is in charge of a whole class of small children. Okay, that's really lame. Hey... there's still MORE!!!! One night, when I was staying with my "best" friend, when I was in the process of cleaning up, her buddy came over, and was hitting some shit off a can. I was very curious as to what the fuck that was, I had never seen it done before. He was smoking HEROIN. And guess who's hooked on that shit now??????!!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!! You guessed it! That fucking bitch. I am so fucking irrate right now. I am shaking like a fucking leaf. I don't know what to do. So I called her. And yep, she's fucked the fuck up on something!!! I couldn't even ask her about it. I knew she would lie. Just like I lied to everyone when I was fucked the fuck up. What the fuck? Please excuse all the profanity, I am so fucking pissed, though. And hurt. And scared for her. And I want to call her place of work, and tell them that my child goes to that school, and I have suspicions that my child's teacher is doing something illegal in their bathroom. I don't know what else to do. I am so scared for her. I started crying when I was on the phone with her, because I could tell she was out to lunch. That is huge, too, cause I do not fucking cry. I am too much of a man to cry.... at least that's what I like to tell myself.

Aside from all that... The daycare called me this evening, and I start tomorrow. I'm gonna go get shit-faced. I am so scared, and helpless. What am I supposed to do?

YIP-FUCKING-EEEEEE!!!!!

Hello there, again! So Dawn's down in the dumps, right? Dawn just gets back from her second interview, and looses all motivation. I was intimidated... I have no more friends to borrow money from... being addicted to drugs led me to exaust all those resources. (plus Rachael... I don't have 17 friends... I don't even have 7. Hee hee, kidding) I'm living rent-free with my parents, who are feeding me as well.... Regardless..... You gotta hear the latest.

I'm sitting here yesterday, screwing around on the computer, talking to my buddy in Iraq, figuring this day care thing probably won't work. My little sister hands me the phone: "It's Mill Avenue Daycare..." --damn it!!! Mother fu...-- "hello?" The director was just checking on my progress on my mile long list of things to do. She wanted to know if I could bring some of the stuff in today. I'm freaking... I felt bad for giving up, and told her as soon as my mom gets back, we'll try to get some of that stuff done. Whatever... sit down... play on the computer... she calls back twenty minutes later! She tells me that all she really needs to get my application processed through the corporate offices, is a copy of my fingerprint card, and the money order to get the actual clearance card, and the Affidavit notarized. She said she has a current employee who has been in the GED classes online for five months (like she's actually trying; five months, come on!!) and while she was on the phone with me, had one of her girls go and get the name of the place she contacted. She asked again, if I would be able to bring this stuff in today. Holy shit!! I was so excited! She called me twice in half an hour, and really seems to want me to work with her!!!

So when mom gets back, like right as I got off the phone, I'm jumping and screaming... I was so excited. We almost immediately went down to the doctor's office, cause mom made me an appointment to get my TB shot... got that out of the way! Then we went and got the paper notarized at the bank. The lady didn't even charge us!!! We were going to get the money order there, but she told us that it's five dollars for one, as opposed to 99 cents at your local Circle K. Awesome, thank you!! So we go to Circle K... the lady says: next door they're only 49 cents... Whatever, I need cigarettes, too. We got it there. I took all the stuff down, and she was stoked. She copied all my shits, I told her I got my TB shot...great. I was telling her about how I was super- disappointed, cause I figured the GED thing would screw me. I have an appointment to take a placement test, and get enrolled into a class , next Thursday. She said, "Alright, well... we'll just let that slide." HOW GOOD ARE THINGS GOING FOR ME TODAY???!!! Sweet.

...Now... On both my interviews I wore a long sleeved shirt. (yes the temperature IS above 100...) This time, I figure, I better get this thing on my wrist out there in the open, so if they want to change their minds, go ahead. (I'll stop trying to fool myself, they have already seen it.) I just wanted it to be RIGHT THERE. She fills out the cover sheet for my application, which she has to fax to the "man", and takes me into this little back room, to explain everything to me. "We put you in as a teacher. Let's say your start date will be... this Friday. You'll be starting at $8.25."------What the fuck did you just say to me!!!?????? Eight twenty-five at a fucking day care? This is completely unheard of!!!! ( for those of you who have worked in day cares, and this sounds normal... I have not been this lucky. I was expecting, at most, seven dollars. AT MOST.)-------- So, she goes over all this, and then says, as we're both kneeling at a table, "Sign here, date here, social security number here." Okay, guys, here's the moment of truth.... My wrist is waving around right in her face... done. Then she says, "Alright, I'll get this faxed in, as soon as they e-mail me, I'll call you. Now go celebrate!!!" How friggin happy is this little camper? I could not believe how smoothly things actually went. I owe all kinds of thanks to my mom, who took charge in my moments of panic, and kept me on the trolley. THANK YOU MOMMY.

So the only things I need now, are my written references, some clothes, I go back on friday to find out that I don't have tuberculosis, cause I don't, right? And next Thursday, after I get my enrollment sheet--I'm good! Can you do the cabbage patch for me? How about the running man? The Roger Rabbit? Will you raise the roof? Okay, I got it... do the wave. Everybody, come on!!! Yeah so thanks for letting me bitch, cause I was very upset about whatever I let my head run away with

Sick of it all...

What do you people expect from me?! (excuse me, not you...) I hate people. I am angry. What the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.... i will contain myself. Mother FFFFFFF... irritated. aggravated. shut up, you faggot. leave me alone. eff off. go to hell. GUYS!!!! I'm MAD!!! What else do I have to do??!! GRRRRR. damn it. I wish you all could really see and feel how pissed I am right now. Sons of beeyotches!

Okay, so it's monday, right? The day that I was going to be contacted by the director of the day care, for my second interview... They can rot in hell. Or maybe not. I don't know, they just want so much from me!!!! It's all legit, and probably necessary... well, not all of it... well, maybe, or maybe not, or... okay, shut up, Dawn. In order for me to begin my employment, I have to go and get an application to send in my fingerprint card, to have them run a background check. Before sending it in, the day care needs a copy of those, and a copy of the $52.00 money order to process it. Then I have to get this paper called an affidavit notarized, and give them a copy. Then I have to get a TB shot, and give them a copy of the paper saying my test came back negative. Those two things will cost another $25.00. Then they need a copy of my GED.... Okay, so I tell her I am in the process of getting it... "you'll need to bring me a copy of the class enrollment form, then, which should also state on what date you will be recieving your diploma." So, now I have to take the classes? Well, regadless, my GED will cost me another $40.00. I will also need to have four written references-- two personal, and two professional. What's wrong with you calling the references I have already provided you with on my application? Then, I will have to go to some clothing store, to purchase things that will comply with their dress code. Let's see, have I covered it all? What the fuck? Can we say, total downer?! I'm way disappointed. After I get all this in, they have to send it all to corporate, and then it will take another seventy-two hours to get the go-ahead to hire me. I say: fuck 'em.

I went to my old place of work, Chuy's, and my former boss said he is losing a couple of girls, and might need a full time employee soon. I'm really considering checking into this. I wouldn't have to train at all, which would be good for us both. Not to mention the money I would make at Chuy's is a lot more than I could even dream about making at some day care. I'm pissed. I'm confused, and I don't know what the hell to do. Why would I want to spend money to get a job? This is why I need a job, hello??!! I have NO money!!!! Whatever. This is gay. I hate everyone. Everyone can jump off a bridge, as far as I'm concerned. Perhaps I'll join them all.

Is it just me, or does this all seem a little excessive? I do not have $170.00 to spend on all this shit! And it all has to be in first, in order for them to even consider my application! I'm more than qualified... that is no issue. Not to sound conceted, but they would be lucky to have me on their team. I have a lot to offer these poor children!! Why do they require so much for a stupid assistant position?! I'm sick of talking about it. Sorry for ranting and raving.... but thank you for listening. I hate this. I just want a job.... I just want some money.... I just want to get the fuck out of this house all fucking day!! I just want to hang myself. Nobody can collect any money from me when I'm dead, right?