Cursor by www.Soup-Faerie.Com Nonsensicallyingenius: February 2006

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Want some drugs, Dawn?

No thank you.

And I don't want any affiliation with the mexican mafia.

And I don't want to sleep for four days straight.

And I don't want to be with you if you don't have a legitimate job.

And I don't want to be with you if you're 29 and are 'temporarily' living with your parents.

No, 'John doe:' I do not like green eggs and ham. At least not the kind you're selling...

His name was actually Travis. And I thought I really liked him. His birthday is a day after mine, (well plus a few years...) and he is really cool. Very fucking funny. Very fun to hang out with. Almost as cool as I am. We have hung out most of the weekend, for the past two weekends. He is a VERY real, and super-awesome guy, but not the kind of guy I would want to have a serious relationship with, like I thought I might. (Well, I thought there was potential.) We are a lot alike, but there are a lot of things about his friends and personal life that conflict with my new-found morals.

I have never said that I am better than anyone, but I am better than what I might consider myself as, if I were to become involved with this type of person. Nothing but bad news bears. I have more respect for myself, and I have more knowledge as to what I can be around without getting tied up in, to let myself continue to hang around it. I almost slipped into it this past Saturday. I wanted to. It was all right there. I was leaning against a(n apparently JUST stolen) Lincoln Navigator peering into an outdoor laundry room where a few guys looked to be partaking in a little crystal meth smokage. I WAS SHITFACED. That is no excuse for wanting to ask if I could jump on in, but it didn't help. Just like the good 'ol days. Just like my 'good 'ol' buds who were always looking out for my best interest. Except not. I didn't ask. My ('former' addict) heart and mind pulled and pulled. I will say, Travis was keeping me away from all that. I'll give him that. I'm not trying to put the blame on him. We left soon after that started; but the boy I got addicted to it with before wouldn't let me do it either... then after a few times of me poking and prodding, I was hooked. And life was 'great.'

So there's a post. Whatever happened between Travis and I came to an end after that evening, and the icing on the cake was all day sunday. When we hung out at his parents house, and slept. And watched a movie. And he slept.

I deserve someone who is high on life, like me. Dorky saying, but it's true. High on some serious shit is NOT someone that is worth my time-- or emotion. And they don't deserve to be on my mind all day, giving me butterflies. I've got too much to give to settle. My mom taught me that.

So my head is cleared of this silly boy. And I'm stoked!!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

My stomach feels all funny...

I'm super excited, and I can't say why cause I think someone very close to me likes this guy... But she has a boyfriend. And nothing has happened yet, anyways.

I really wanted to spit it out when I sat down to write this little diddy, then I remembered that maybe I shouldn't. But then again, through all of this, I pretty much am... but I still won't say anything.(yet) I know that the person that might like him might also think that he is a terrible candidate for me, but I've never been able to get this person's approval anyway, so why should I care? Right?

I dunno. I just wasted your time and mine, so I'll talk to you at our next session of Nonsensical-ingeniousness.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Worked over like a three dollar whore...

My eyes are burning... maybe the computer screen is at fault. Maybe I looked down at my belly, and in response, poored bleach into my eyes. I can't remember.
-How about a beer, Dawn?
-Sounds lovely.
-Those are non-fattening, right?
-After the day you had, do you care?
-Good call, better grab two.

so, as the hip, young pop-culture might say: 'brb'...

I am so freaking tired. This week, I'm working 7-6:30 again. Today I had to go to the drug-testing clinic. I am getting tested to be the van driver. How awesome would that be if you were being picked up by (yours truly) every day from school. I would be stoked. Maybe I'll drive from the back seat just to see what it's like.
I am so sick of the human race right about now. I am pissed in general. I just saw footage of a cop being swiped by a car while writing a ticket to somebody on the side of the (freeway, I think it was...). Why the FUCK would you repeatedly show that? That shit makes me sick to my stomach. People who can watch things like the Faces of Death movies, and sick shit like that baffle me. I understand it's a curiousity thing, where you just 'can't look away'- but for fuck's sake...

I'm gonna shut the fuck up. I picked a bad night to write. I can't think of anything positive to say. I hate everything and everybody. It's rude, but I mean every word of it.


(i think i'm pms-ing. nobody can be this filled with rage unless it is a beeyotch on the verge of george.) fuckers.