a year ago less than a month ago

Hello there! i'm back for my terribly seldom post... I noticed my last post started off with another breakup. it's a good thing i ended it when i did. although sometimes a sensitive heart can be taken advantage of. So dude wanted to meet up with me and have a couple drinks before his departure to Pennsylvania; which he decided upon after the heartbreak he suffered from losing such a bad ass bitch:) i agreed to this, as we were still speaking regularly. our last 'date' would fall on a saturday evening, March 14th, 2009. wow... it's crazy to think how recent that was even though the title already gave it away... we went to the usual spot. the normal crowd was there and the normal things went down. at one point one of the karaoke hosts jokingly danced on my lap for a split second. --this was apparently considered to be disrespectful on my part. an angry ex boyfriend and an even tempered ex girlfriend left the bar. i received insult after insult, accusation after holler on the bike ride back to my house- which, we didn't even make halfway through before i was cut off on my bike by the angry ex boyfriend's. it seemed as though he was not happy with my inability to accept i was a fat piece of shit who deserved to die. he threw a solid right hook at my face and i flew to the ground. i could feel my back molar had been jarred up and partially out of my gums. i was bleeding profusely from the mouth. instinct and adrenaline threw me right back on my bike and peddled my 5'4" 160lb body home faster than my 6'2" 230lb attacker. i struggled to get the door open, smearing blood all over the deadbolt and handle, made my way in running out of one shoe, and locked myself in the bathroom, horrified and bewildered. how could i possibly have gotten myself involved with a 'man' who would do this? the door came flying in forcefully followed by dude's foot. he had taken my phone and mocked my cries to have it back or just please get out of my way. i pushed through his side and the door frame and pleaded for my phone so i could call the police- he continued to claim he was calling them now, because i was at fault. i carefully made my way down the hall, losing my other shoe, to the back yard where my friend's labrador was. he was still yelling at me through the sliding glass door and blamed me for making him hit me. he turned around and punched the light fixture in the dining room and i took this opportunity to jump the back wall and ran faster than i ever have around the block and thought it would be best for me to take cover in the back yard of an abandoned house. i stayed there approximately 15-20 mins and then continued my walking/running/bawling journey 2 miles down the road to my friend's home. i showered, told her the story, and settled into her bed, finally safe. when i woke to a puddle of blood and a severely swollen face. it was suggested i should go to the hospital. i hated that idea. i don't like doctors and i didn't want to stretch this out any longer than the hour episode already was. most of the day past and i got no better, the bleeding did not stop and my friends became more and more worried. they finally convinced me to go to the ER. after a couple hours, a few interviews, and filed domestic abuse case it was discovered that the mother fucker had broken my jaw in 2 places. because of the shape of this bone i'm pretty sure most the time one break leads to a mirrored break. regardless... i pressed charges, i had to have my jaw surgically wired shut and went on a liquid diet for 6 weeks, except for a chili dog i was able to shove through the metal contraption after a night of camping and drinking, when i just couldn't watch everyone else eat any longer! i healed, i'm scarred (not visibly) but every day i move forward knowing God was watching me through this warning and was probably telling me: 'trust your gut, that's me talking to you' -- you see, often when i first met this guy-- the first week (collaborated) i spent sleeping over at his apartment i lay awake for most the night feeling as if this guy may hurt me in my sleep. suffocation and violent attacks would play in my head. but i ignored them...

and again...

we go for a while with no post. i broke up with yet another boyfriend recently. what a heart breaking bitch huh? whatever i'm getting older and making decisions faster is all. MORE HEARTS TO BREAK OUT THERE!! on with the show!! i still live in thos great house that is too big for my needs so after this year lease i am about to sign i think i will attempt to buy a house. at 27, it's getting close to that time for me. i'm still a nanny for the boys in the pictures below, my how they have grown since those were taken. 3 days out of the week they go to school for 3 hrs and in that time a am learning to do all kinds of office molarkey. it's actually kind of challenging- in a great way, nothing very difficult at all, and it's also turning out to be rewarding. i love learning i can do new things. i'm cutting this short. at work at the moment, just wanted to stop in and say hello. 'speak' with you soon!

almost off...

It is Sunday afternoon. I have been on the clock since Thursday at about 9:30 AM. I take care of two little boys for a couple of amazing people. I have been employed with them for a little over a year now, and i pretty much struck gold.
But let me catch you up on the goings on since i wrote last. (not like three days ago, but before that.)

I was with Travis aka mama's boy with no sense of responsibility-- we could sit here and play the exboyfriend bash game all day, but i'm over it. cool dude, just lost. anyway, we 'had a house' to move into that would be ready for us a week after he got out of prison. ...right. my lease was up before that, so i moved all my stuff into his parents house temporarily. I had been working construction with the family's company laying conduit pipe 3ft under for power lines that would go to the cameras being placed on the 101 from union hills to northern. (run-on?) When he got out everything was great, even working with him was easy- which i had feared would not be the case. he was afraid i would be lagging behind everyone and soon realized that was anything but true, so he lightened up and we worked well together. whatev... the house fell through so we were stuck at his parents til we found something different. I got my nanny job and loved it from the get-go. we ended up staying with his parents for 3 mother fucking months because we 'couldn't come up with the money' for a down payment. although a car he sold to his buddy a while before needed to be bought back, so in a matter of a week, he had $2000 to buy it back. this was the straw that broke the camel's back. i couldn't ever go out with my friends, couldn't hang out comfortably anywhere but in the guest room where i was forced to sleep, and everything was anything but the way i am used to living. i ran away when i was 16 for fuck's sake! nobody can hold this bitch down!! :-) so i (in one week's preparation, and one days packing and moving) got out of that house and moved into a room that my employer's friend had open. i lived there for 3 months, and then Kelsey (friend of 18 yrs) and i signed a lease in a house that my other employer is the landlord for. i was single that whole time, and even into our 7th month in the lease, which is kind of a rarety for me, but i learned so much more about myself and grew more than i ever would have been able to had i picked up some other douchebag.

i met this boy through some of my old high school friends that i still keep in touch with, and we are now an item. so there goes singletown. prolly a good thing though, i was getting a little crazy if you know what i mean... (blushes)

I need to shower. boys are napping so this is my only chance for freedom and cleanliness.

Been Quite a While...

Look! another spot to write on!! i keep a blog on my gayspace (more commonly known as myspace- though i'm embarrassed to admit that i FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT!!!) -(clears throat) wow. my apologies. so i am a big fan of sharing my amazing brain and life happenings with the world, if i could only advertise world-wide... and hope that there might be a few people that will pick up on the fact that i am writing here again so's they might get a little bit of enjoyment out of their pathetic lives.


these kinds of statements are the reason a lot of people hate me, and the reason i am such a happy person. :-)
I'm almost 27, i just recently recruited a (as of June 10th-23 year old) little boyfriend after being single for longer than i had been single for most of my adult life. it's crazy how much i learned about myself and grew by being on my own.

i have to go do work right now- hate that i have no more time to fill you (invisible audience) in on the new life of dawn renee dewan, but now that i have my beloved blog back- you will be hearing from me soon.

good day to you all.

moved on out, and stuff...

I moved on out, and stuff. It's alright so far. My boy's been working a lot this week. He'll be going to jail in a few weeks, here. Maybe a little more. That's pretty crappy. I gotta take the good with the bad, though. Him and his family hooked me up pretty good for my apartment.

It's a nice little change. I actually was looking forward to Kelsey leaving the other night. Well, not looking forward to it so much, just kind of excited to sit by myself in my own home. Which is really strange. I certainly didn't expect to want to do that.
Yesterday Travis had to go back to work later in the afternoon. He suggested I bring us out an Outback (steakhouse) 'picnic.' I only got to see him for an hour after I got off, so I hesitantly agreed. The job site was super far. I showed up with some delicious hot meals for us, and brought his dad some, cause he was out there, too. They were stoked. Can we say brownie points?!? Then today after the boy got off for a break and court, he stopped by my work. I was so excited! He had to go back again this evening, so he was going to call me when he was ready, cause we were going to meet up somewhere by the job site for dinner. I drove up and surprised him while he was working. It was super sweet. We were supposed to hang out tonight when he was finished, (for the third night in a row.) but he was super tired. (for the third night in a row.) He has to get up for work anywhere from 2am to 4am, and works through til about 7pm. It's insane. And that's why I don't get mad when he says he'd like to go home and sleep. Plus his house is closer to the site, and the bed I have for right now is a full size- pain in the neck and back. We sleep in a california king when we get to sleep together, so it's anything but sufficient. I miss him.
I think that's all that's new, really. Just hanging out and getting used to my place. I guess I'll head there now. Nice seeing you all again. Hope all is well. Take care. Talk to you soon.

Movin on out.

I don't own a computer. Now you know. This whole relationship between us has been put on through my mother, who supplied the machine. I have been using her to get to you. I can admit that. So, when I move THE FUCK OUT!!! -- (clears throat) Please excuse me. When I --GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!!-- (lowers head in shame) (recovers) I really apologize for my language.

wait... NO I FUCKING DON'T!! CAUSE I'M FUCKING EXCITED!! AND FUCK IS MY FAVORITE WORD!! FUCKITY FUCKWAD FUCK!!

Okay, lemme get to the point;
I move into my apartment this Saturday. That's right, mother fuckers!!! whoa...

Stoked. Really stoked. And I should be getting a raise soon, (to $10.00 per hour.) or I'm quitting to go work with my little 'sis'- prolly my closest friend- Kelsey making $13.60 per hour. Her and I would be working together in this couples' house. Helping them to eat healthy, get to doctor appointments, so on and so forth. She works with mentally challenged people who are able to live on their own, just need assistance getting around and cooking. It's really very easy, as there is a lot of down time, AND it would be just Kelsey and I hanging out when there is nothing to do. AND I get a guaranteed 10 hours per day. Paid lunches, as long as I need/want them to be.

Well, I'm going to take my little sister out to lunch. She needs someone in her immediate family to show her they are concerned for her well-being and comfort. She is treated like a piece of shit by every female in this house. It SICKENS me. But saying anything about it only makes the situation worse. There is no just reason for any of it. No matter what may have 'happened in the past.' But that is something we can discuss some other day. For now, I am going to show her that I care, and that I love her, no matter what she does, because that is what families are supposed to do. Hope all of you are well. Peace out, my niggas.

New and bold things...

My boss claims that I am a 'new woman.' If being a new woman results from having a sugar daddy, then claim away!! No, but really...


There's my 'Good Enough Diploma'--

There's my new car--

There's its ass--

Leather interior--

Those are my new BAD ASS shoes. I love them.

Yeah, so Travis bought me that car so's I could go out and visit him whenever I want, and so I'm not riding my bike around everywhere. It's a '93 Cadillac ElDorado. It came with a little over 85,000 miles on it. Nice cold AC, runs like a champ. I took it up to 100 mph the other day; she purred. Gave her her first bath yesterday. My gawd, is she beautiful! Got my shoes in the mail-- I had to order them online cause I fell in love with them at some place and COULD NOT find them ANYWHERE. Looked for, like, three weekends straight, in about four malls. I move into my apartment next Saturday. THAT"S RIGHT!! It's about damn time, you worthless piece of cow dung!!! (I know that's what you're thinking...)

So, that's what's going on with me. Travis has a California King size bed for me in storage. Brand new. His mother (as far as I've been led to believe) is probably going to be buying me a couch or two. He'll be hanging out there all the time, and says that a 13" TV just will not do. He said something about getting me a 46". He's crazy. I tell him I don't need any of this. Told him yesterday I don't deserve it. But he is made happy by doing all this stuff. He gets pissed at me when I don't allow him to buy me shit. I had to get over the fact that I can't pay for every time we go out. It enraged me for a while at first, but I think I'm starting to get used to it. All my friends tell me I deserve it plenty. I've always tried to be a good person. Never had anything handed to me. I'm good to my men, for sure. Like to cook and clean for them. Like to go ahead and NOT cheat on them. Maybe that's just me.

Travis works a lot, and has lost girlfriends because of this, but I know how important a job can be. Shit, I work at least 9 hours everyday. I am very patient and try to be very understanding. I'm rambling again. I'm very happy. things are going my way. Car. Shoes. Apartment. GED. Man, I'm doing well.