Oh, hello.

Let's see, where was I? So after living here for 19 years, and being with Eric for about a year, I accepted his invitation to move across the country with him. I felt that I'd had enough of Arizona for at least a little while, and that moving that far away was something I could easily handle. Plus it was a great idea to get the heck away from the crowd I was hanging out with! We moved in with his brother, sister-in-law, and their children: two, and 5months. Eric's brother is probably my favorite person in the whole world. He is an awesome guy, and him and his wife were very welcoming and supportive of our moving out there to get a fresh, clean start. We stayed with them for about a month- the lack of space eventually got to us all- and Eric and I finally found an apartment about ten miles away. At first, I landed a job @ this cool little bar, but after almost two months, my boss got pancreatic cancer, and closed down the place. I was forced to take the only job available to me- an outsider of this town many had lived there for generations- at a ghetto grocery store: IGA. ----(I am not putting down those of you who are in this line of work by any means, more power to you, it takes more patience than I have to offer, I guess... I can easily deal with 15 screaming 2 year olds, and toss poopy diapers, but bagging picky old peoples' goods is not something I'll soon do again.)---- I started at $6.00 per hour, and after another couple months got a .50 cent raise. la-dee-da. Life out there was boring and expensive; AND BEAUTIFUL! I got my first taste of a real winter, moving out there in the beginning of December, and also realized what humidity really is. I dealt with winter better than I thought I would, but the humidity, you can have!!! I lasted 7 months, but eventually, really wanted my family and friends back. I moved out of my parents' when I was 16, and pretty much stayed out, but being so far away, and not having the option to see everyone was too much. We didn't even have a phone the whole time. We would have to drive the 10 miles to Bill's (eric's bro) to call anyone.
Blah, blah, blah... So I'm back here, living with the parents... TEMPORARILY, until I land a decent job or two and get my own damn place. For the first time in my life, I have this strange feeling in my gut, urging me to do good for myself. I've gone through life, just playing everything by ear. Sometimes making a lot of money, and holding my head semi-straight, other times, pawning things that didn't even belong to me so I could catch a buzz. But it's really weird- I feel like I really want to go and get a job and make myself happy. Since I ran away, I would always be in a "serious" relationship, and lived with my boyfriend, and I would live for-and do for US. I've never just been on my own, and doing for ME. I think I'm growing up, everybody.... Don't tell anyone, but I think this "don't give a shit, party-girl" has realized what I HAVE TO DO in order to be happy for real. I'm super-excited that I've found this motivation in myself, but I'm scared that it will dwindle away again, and soon I'll be back to square one- pissed and poor. I guess only time will tell. I really do think this feeling that is overwhelming my heart and mind, though, is one of maturity, and self worth. I've never felt I was even worth MY time!! Maybe this feeling is actually just an alien that has impregnated me and now there's a foreign body taking over my existence! Maybe all this motivation is the offspring, preparing to take over the world, at my expense. Call the CIA-- quick, get me exterminated!!
I think I've spilled my guts enough today, or at least for the moment... Plus I live with three teenage girls who live in this very computer chair, and I'm in the way.